![]() ![]() Winona Ryder: "The shoplifting incident is a cry for help. Marion Ross: "After buying the part of Ralph Malph in the hit Broadway musical version of 'Happy Days,' Eminem woos the geriatric honey by rapping: 'I'm the Malph with the Glock and I don't take no shit / from two-bit Potsies of Fonzie pimps / I'll eat Joni's brain and Howard's liver / I'll kick Chachi's ass and barf up Richie's retainer."Ģ) The celebrity most likely to suffer a Mariah-esque meltdown in the coming year: ![]() Nicole Kidman: "Seems like she's on a high with Oscar buzz, and canoodling with a buzz-saw-wielding rapper may provide just the headlines she needs 'for our consideration.'"Įlizabeth Taylor: "Her affection for misunderstood, sexually confused boy toys is historically proven."Īnnette Bening: "Because I'd hate to see Warren Beatty unleashed on a new generation of young female stars." June Cleaver ( Barbara Billingsley): "What would Eddie Haskell think?" "I may reconsider if they got together in a three-way with Eddie Haskell." Sally Field: "I can just see her crying 'You like me, you really like me" "I don't care if he really likes her. And here they are, the "winners" of the 2001 Nothing Personal Readers' Choice Awards:ġ) The Hollywood mother type you'd be most horrified to find getting it on with the slim, shady rapper:įlorence Henderson: "I just know that underneath Eminem's tough-talking tattooed exterior, there is a Greg Brady just waiting to come out." "The thought of Marshall Mathers bumping nasties with his Flo-Ho just makes my skin crawl" "You just know it's at least crossed Flo's mind" "Marshall Mathers may have a certain Wessonality, but I'll be damned if I want to think about it." Since Joan Rivers is not here to assault our hapless recipients as they make their way along the red carpet (busy as she is readying herself to accept her own "honorable mention") - and since my eyeballs are vibrating from sorting through the incredible onslaught of responses that came in this year - let's get right down to the award-doling business. Welcome to the third annual Nothing Personal Readers' Choice Awards, that most special occasion when you guys get to be meaner, nastier and funnier than I get to be all year long. ![]()
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